When I took the Student Aptitude Test as a teenager, I scored in the top 1 percent nationwide. This was quite an accomplishment, considering that I attended a small, public school in Vermont, which lacked the SAT focus of most private schools across the USA. However, my achievement only proved that I could quickly read and comprehend written questions. The high score didn’t mean that I possessed any common sense. Years later, my experiences indicate that I’m quite capable of being foolish.

One evening last week I slow-cooked a venison roast with carrots and barley. I decided to add an opened can of stewed tomatoes that my wife had left in the refrigerator. Robin had covered the opened can with aluminum foil. I removed the foil and noticed stinky white mold inside the can. I flushed the smelly mess down the toilet and substituted cherry tomatoes with the roast. The next day I used the toilet for its intended purpose, then flushed it . . . unsuccessfully. A great deal of plunging and flushing was required to clear the toilet bowl. Later that day, after peeing in the toilet and flushing it again, I noticed the tin top of the tomato can lying in the bottom of the bowl. I fished it out and considered myself lucky that it hadn’t lodged itself deeper in the plumbing.

I suppose that the toilet misadventure could have happened to anybody, but a few days later I experienced a mishap caused by my dimwittedness. I went down into our basement to get some bags of trash to leave outside for the trash truck. I noticed a foul odor coming from one of the bags. I was shocked to discover that the bag contained a dozen packages of rotting venison burger! A few days earlier, while rooting in the freezer for the afore-mentioned venison roast, I had removed the bag of burger to access a bag containing roasts and steaks, then absentmindedly forgot to return the burger to the freezer.

This error makes me feel terrible, when I think of all the effort involved in harvesting, dragging, dressing and butchering the deer, then wrapping the meat. I was able to buy some venison burger from New Zealand at Shaws, but this provides little consolation, because the tastiest meat is always meat I harvest myself. For someone who’s supposed to be smart, I sure do some stupid things!


Michael Hahn Band varies in size from a duo to a six-piece band, depending upon the size and budget of the venue. They love to make music for any occasion. For bookings call 802-754-8889.

Upcoming Gigs:

Northeast Slopes in E. Corinth on Sun. March 15 from noon to 4

Celebrate Northeast Slopes 90th birthday with multiple performers!

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