Alligator River
Tina Gilson
August 28, 2025
Last week's column touched on the idea of gaining a better understanding of other cultures and people, which I believe can help foster peace and promote a better world. It reminded me of a story I have shared often regarding something that happened many years ago when I was in college. This was a bit of an eye-opener for me, and I hope it gives you something to think about as well.
When I was working on my Master's Degree, one of my professors broke us into groups and told us a story he referred to as “Alligator River”. I will shorten this for the purposes of fitting it into a column, but nothing important will be left out.
The characters are a woman, her boyfriend, his best friend, and a riverboat captain. The story goes that there is a major storm that wiped out the one bridge that crosses an alligator-infested river and took out all forms of communication, so no one could contact anyone on the opposite side of the river. The woman was on one side of the river, her boyfriend and his best friend were on the other side. She had no way of knowing if they were okay.
The only way to cross the river and find out if her boyfriend was okay was to take the boat, but she had no money to pay the captain. The captain said if she provided certain “favors” for him, he would take her across. She was desperate to know if her boyfriend was safe, so she did it. The best friend found out, told the boyfriend, and he broke up with her.
Each group's job was to come to a consensus ranking the characters from villain to victim. My group was the only one unable to do so. I felt the boyfriend was a victim because he had done nothing wrong. Another group member thought the girlfriend was the victim. We both emphatically stuck to our positions while still being respectful to each other.
After this was done, she and I had a discussion. I have always been an “I’ll figure it out, there’s always a way” kind of person who comes from a line of strong women who do what they need to in order to survive. I disagreed with the girlfriend's tactics. The boyfriend was cheated on, he had every right to end the relationship. My classmate, however, worked with disempowered women who did not feel strong, were easily taken advantage of, and were not like me at all.
After we explained our positions, we could understand why the other person felt that way. We still did not agree, but we could understand and respect each other. So the next time you find yourself on the opposite side of an argument with someone, keep in mind the Alligator River. Have civil discourse, learn from each other. You may or may not change your mind, but it’s a great way to reduce conflict and hostility.
Sacred Spirit Wellness is located at The Healing Hive, 21 Barton Street in Bradford, VT. They can be reached via email at sacredspiritwellness1@gmail.com, on their Facebook page or www.sacredspiritwellness.com
When I was working on my Master's Degree, one of my professors broke us into groups and told us a story he referred to as “Alligator River”. I will shorten this for the purposes of fitting it into a column, but nothing important will be left out.
The characters are a woman, her boyfriend, his best friend, and a riverboat captain. The story goes that there is a major storm that wiped out the one bridge that crosses an alligator-infested river and took out all forms of communication, so no one could contact anyone on the opposite side of the river. The woman was on one side of the river, her boyfriend and his best friend were on the other side. She had no way of knowing if they were okay.
The only way to cross the river and find out if her boyfriend was okay was to take the boat, but she had no money to pay the captain. The captain said if she provided certain “favors” for him, he would take her across. She was desperate to know if her boyfriend was safe, so she did it. The best friend found out, told the boyfriend, and he broke up with her.
Each group's job was to come to a consensus ranking the characters from villain to victim. My group was the only one unable to do so. I felt the boyfriend was a victim because he had done nothing wrong. Another group member thought the girlfriend was the victim. We both emphatically stuck to our positions while still being respectful to each other.
After this was done, she and I had a discussion. I have always been an “I’ll figure it out, there’s always a way” kind of person who comes from a line of strong women who do what they need to in order to survive. I disagreed with the girlfriend's tactics. The boyfriend was cheated on, he had every right to end the relationship. My classmate, however, worked with disempowered women who did not feel strong, were easily taken advantage of, and were not like me at all.
After we explained our positions, we could understand why the other person felt that way. We still did not agree, but we could understand and respect each other. So the next time you find yourself on the opposite side of an argument with someone, keep in mind the Alligator River. Have civil discourse, learn from each other. You may or may not change your mind, but it’s a great way to reduce conflict and hostility.
Sacred Spirit Wellness is located at The Healing Hive, 21 Barton Street in Bradford, VT. They can be reached via email at sacredspiritwellness1@gmail.com, on their Facebook page or www.sacredspiritwellness.com
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